How do you know when it’s perfect?

I’m in a highly contemplative mood the past few days and I’ve found myself questioning the following issues many a time. I guess these issues are in my mind for a few reasons. People around me are all getting married, my sister to a good friend to like half the world. Then there’s this ex of mine, who completely threw me away, and how I have recently come to realise that the issue is much deeper than what I saw in my angst and hurt. Then there is the somewhat sticky situation of psychotic people and men whom I should probably stay away from. Basically, I’m confused,worried and highly puzzled.

How do you know you’ve met the perfect person? I was talking to a good friend who has been in a very long term relationship and it has been highly stable, loving and committed. I don’t envy her because I know she put in a lot of effort as did her lover but more importantly, I admire her for being so determined. I asked her how she knew he was the right one. And she tells me that you simply will know when it happens. I sure as hell wish I can say that and be really hopeful, but I’ve realised that I’m not very good at this and i thought it was perfect on probably 4 different occasions and yet none of them worked out. Maybe the problem with me is that I get excited so quickly, i fall in love so quickly and then i move so quickly and then i get dumped or i fall out love very quickly to. But I don’t think I’d ever slow it down. Cos i’m a hopeless romantic.

Do we always end up marrying the perfect ones? I understand that the issue isn’t about meeting the perfect person but meeting the one that fits you perfectly. But do we always end up marrying the ones we are crazily in love with, the ones who are mad about you, who fit your lifestyle perfectly and most importantly you are willing to wake up looking at every single damn day? I guess that is the ideal world and for some of us, such fairytales do exist. But can we all end up marrying the ones we love the most or who love us the most? What if the one i love is married? What is the one i love is dying? What if the one i love or is perfect for me simply cannot be with me because of circumstances? What do we do? Settle for 2nd best? Not marry at all? Wait and tell yourself that they were simply not the ones but secretly harbor this unsettling feeling in your heart for the rest of your life cos you know you were trying to make yourself feel better?

How do we know it’s time to settle down? I’ve also never understood what it is that makes people want to make this choice of marriage? A case of getting older? A case of financial commitment? A case of wanting to prove to the world that the two of you alone can live and settle your lives with each other? I’m not deluded about marriage and I do actually hope to get married someday. But what if i don’t? Maybe cos the perfect person for me cannot be with me? Or cos my reputation supersedes me and after reading my blog every potential groom decides I’m too crude/bitchy/hasty/angsty to become his wife? πŸ˜‰ That’d be funny eh? But I’m sure that some of us are absolutely not the marrying kind right? Or were we all supposed to get married and live like that? I mean God made each of us different so some of us do lead different paths in terms of marriage and love right? So what if I am one of those unlucky creatures that becomes a spinster having to rear 40 cats and live by my lonely self and die in such a way that no one even knows or cares in my little tiny one-room flat in Boon Keng? (overactive imagination, but you never know!)

So is there anyone out there for me? I am still young and I know there’s so much more to life than this. But horror of horrors what if… what if I let the perfect one walk right out my life and into someone else’s and end up becoming the non marrying kind?


Fun fact: There was not a single j in this entry as the alphabet on my beloved laptop keyboard is spoilt. Thus the alphabet was avoided until now when I made someone type the alphabet and copy-pasted it. Anyone knows how to fix this??


  1. Ey.. nice blog layout.. almost made me think about switching to wordpress.. always liked the clean uncomlicated look… as usual your posts are so opera-esque i feel like i just popped some prozac =) nonetheless hope this bloggie garners as much controvery and webby clicks as the last one.. and yes yes yes.. i’m transfering.. soon.. =)

  2. i’m going to kill you la. i’m super poor thanks to you. lol. k k faster transfer and come collect this thing also!

  3. gd post>……seems to reali make me tink a lot….i reali agree wit wat u say la…..

  4. Im sure there is someone out there for you. The thing is in love dont make a point where you got to ask yourself questions, “what if i had met him for the last time?”, “what if i had asked him first?’. Make the initiative, and go for it. Get the answers you’re looking for. If not, for the rest of the time, you will be asking these “what if” questions, which is gonna create a bigger impact.

    and remember follow your heart, cry, shout, smile at the memories, ignore him, fight and fight for your love. Because this is what love is all about. a painful pleasure in life.

    fight for it. dont just give up coz if ur not gonna fight, no one is. πŸ™‚

  5. hey gal..its me again..i hav jus one thing to say..enjoy your singlehood life till it lasts cause u never know when ur prince charming wil sweep u off your feet..and trust me..the person up ther finally do match us wit someone whom we are supposed to be perfect with each other..someone who has gone thru the same things as us before or later so we can help each other overcome them..but most of us dont realise tat and gal waitfor the rite one..and boy even stable relationship aint easy to can get really mind stressin!! hehe..and i doubt u wil remain single all ur life! trust me on tat..and yea nowadays guys do love gals who are bitchy and who talk u re not drivin anyone away..and rather attractin more attention;)

  6. thanks sri for this and the earlier comment, thanks indian bai too.
    Shamini: haha i hope people realise you’re the inspiration for a part of this post too. πŸ˜‰

  7. hey aarthi, it was nice running into you on saturday πŸ™‚

    heehee don’t think so much about circumstances one can’t control. as i keep telling myself (more and more now that my mum thinks i should go get hitched by 26. TO WHOM!? woman is nuts i say), it’ll happen when it happens. πŸ™‚

  8. hahha. i doubt they are gonna realise la. but as Sri said, it can get real mind stressing. I used to wonder when my friends told me about how stressed they feel in the relationship. I will tell myself, how can it be stressiful? your with the one you love.

    But then again, the myraid of emotions you go through. haha you will tend to wonder, wow i can even feel like this. Just enjoy your life now, love will come when you least expect it and trust me esp when love is the last thing on ur mind, you will meet THAT guy. Till then enjoy love. Muacks.

  9. You want to the “perfect” one to come barging through the door , I want my singlehood again!!!
    Wanna swap?
    The truth of the matter is – yeah, yeah, here I go – is you never ever really know. You probably do the ” I’m not sure he is The One, but he definitely fits some of the requirements”..and you most definitely don’t cringe at the thought of spending every waking hour with him – although you might when he pisses you off when you are planning your wedding – I guess that’s a completely different subject.
    And trust me, none of your “perfect relationships that became great tragedies” come even close to my biggest mistake – so you know what, take your time, smell the whisky and enjoy your singlehood while it lasts!

  10. haha. i get all your points but no no, i am not in a hurry to find a mapillai la! seriously, was simply wondering yaar!!!

  11. In my opinion… there is no perfect one… he/she is perfect for you after being with you for years with bliss… that doesnt simply happen… BOTH have to work very hard towards being one and together each and every day.. in every way…

    Many fail to understand… that falling in love is the easiest thing … everything else is a struggle… yet the yield is simply beautiful…

  12. How do u know? when you (both) want it to be..

    even when he/she has all the same fundamental beliefs, qualities and all the great stuff, if it’s a constant GAME, if the grass is always greener on other sides, or when u don’t even know you want green grass, it will never be perfect…

  13. How do u know? when you (both) want it to be..
    even when he/she has all the same fundamental beliefs, qualities and all the great stuff, if it’s a constant GAME, if the grass is always greener on other sides, or when u don’t even know you want green grass, it will never be perfect…

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