Lessons on Singlehood.

20th May marked 2 months of me having become single. I know it isn’t much to celebrate(because essentially that’s 2 months since i got dumped) and also because 2 months isn’t a very long time since I know people who claim they’ve been single for God knows how many years. But it’s a pretty big thing for me because firstly, I’ve never actually been able to date the lapse of me being single as my relationships don’t end in such a clear-cut fashion and also because I’ve been known to leap into relationships. Yes, I’ve often been criticised for moving in and out of relationships extremely quickly. This isn’t because my love is fake or shallow, but only because I’m always so willing to give it another shot and in many cases, these many shots come right after I end one relationship.

But this time, I’ve been deeply scarred. I was highly convinced that I had found the perfect mix in a person and that everything would fit in perfectly. Unfortunately, things don’t always go as planned. Anyhow, me being the optimist(and the feminist that I am), I have made good of my singlehood and have learnt to use this time to figure myself out and figure the people around me out too.

The lessons I’ve learnt having become single.

1.If a man is cute,sweet,gentlemanly and pretty much perfect, he’s probably attached.

Refer to one of my previous posts and you’d have figured this out. In my past 2 months of being single, I’ve heard of and personally experienced enough of these attached boy-monsters to be able to sniff them out. If you need help, come find me and I will teach you the ways.

2. Being alone is really okay.

I used to be under the impression that you should never be seen somewhere all by yourself. Not because its unsafe but simply because it’s unglam. But of late, I’ve realised that it’s really okay to be seen alone. In fact I’ve even calmly sat down at a club all by myself(ok so i was waiting for someone, but I would never on a normal day sit by myself in a club) and sip my drink. In fact you are at your most aware and most beautiful when you’re all by yourself and it merely proves that you’re that secure about yourself that you don’t need company to validate you(that,or you’re a loner like yours truly).

3. Karma always finds its way

At the end of the day, no matter how much you have been hurt by someone, they’d get it back three-fold. Trust me on that because right now I’m the one looking back and laughing now thinking of all those things certain people put me through. So don’t bother wallowing in past, punishing potential sweeties and living in the past because it’s not worth any time or worth any effort.

4.Relationships may be a sham. Friends are the real deal.

I’ve never been one to undermine the importance of friendships but I have to admit that I have let relationships get in the way of my friendships as well as take priority in some aspects such as time spent. However when your heart is broken and you get it pretty much slammed back down your throat, it is your friends who have your back. I’ve never been happier to know that I have a good set of friends then my last dumping because the minute my girlfriends knew, they made sure they did everything to be there for me. At the end of the day, relationships require constant nurturing, a lot of giving and many sacrifices. If you aren’t ready to commit to that kind of a thing, then work on being a great friend. Over the last two months, I’ve had so much fun doing my hair with Bavani, burning the dance floor with Marian, having drinks with the girls, relishing in Ladies’ Nights with my sisters and being able to open my heart and say whatever i want to say without worries of pesky fights or having negative impressions made of myself. Many more outings to come with the rest of my wonderful girlfriends and that is the one perk of being single! Your time is all yours!

5. Two’s Company. Three is NONE!

The one biggest issue I have with being single is that almost all my girlfriends have boyfriends or love interests currently. I’ve become so accustomed to having a boyfriend and being able to ease into such situations that now it feels odd sitting alone with these lovebirds. They do their best to keep me comfortable and they never make me feel like I’m a lamp post but sometimes you really can’t help but wish you had someone too. In such awkward moments, I choose to ignore or busily type away on my handphone when they get a tad romantic. Otherwise, I try to avoid long moments spent, and allow them to revel in each others’ company while I go do something more productive. Or as I’ve learnt, I will bring another single friend along!

Being single isn’t as bad as I expected it to be. It feels good to know that you do not need someone to validate your existence and that you can survive alone. But no matter what, it’s always nice to know that at the end of the day, there’s that one person who will be yours solely. That’s the one thing singlehood cannot provide you with but at the moment I think the perks pretty much outweigh that!

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a model’s fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please

And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.

I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.

When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say
It’s in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It’s in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Dimwit #1

Time and time again people amuse me with their stupidity. But some always manage to take the cake. I don’t know how they do it but they do.

Let me tell you all a story and then you guys tell me if this dimwit deserves to be here or not.

See, I met this person through a bunch of Thanesh’s friends. He is basically a bit of a loser but i guess his friends don’t tell him that. Anyway he didn’t really affect me and I couldn’t give two hoots about his existence apart from the polite hi-byes when we bump into each other at gatherings or in the clubs.

Much later, once Thanesh and I were no longer together, I saw him again after jasmine’s 21st birthday when we headed down to Gotham and thereafter Bumblebeez. I of course saw him at the latter. So this dear boy talks to me and everything and horror of horrors when i go back home, he messages me. I guess i thought he was harmless cos after all he was part of a trusty clique and the other guys in that clique never seemed to bother me very much.

Imagine the shock I get when I decide he isn’t worth my sms-ing money and I decide to ignore his messages and wake up the next day to see like 15 missed calls from his number. I totally freaked out. So i messaged him and told him off telling him he must be really psychotic to call someone this many times in the span of a night. He apologises and I take it as an overly excited boy or someone under the intoxication of alcohol. After that day, I ignored most of his “What are you doing?” messages.

Last Friday however, I had the arse luck of bumping into him again. As i mentioned before he belonged to a clique i was connected to in many different social networking chains. We however simply said a Hi and let things be. So i kind of forgot about his existence there and he didn’t quite bother me very much for most part of the day(except when he nearly got hold of my new number when i was passing it to this girl called Geetha).

Yesterday, I get a heart attack when Kevin(my last relationship) messaged me asking how my Friday night rendezvous was and showed some disgust towards me. I really flipped out because I had no clue what he was talking about. Apparently some DIMWIT had told him that after clubbing i was seen outside a budget hotel(implying I slept with somebody).

So i am obviously infuriated because everyone knows I went home straight after clubbing and I even had witnesses to that. So i asked him who gave him this wonderful news and it turns out to be this DIMWIT.

Two things I do not understand. Firstly, why would you come with such a bullshit story? Secondly, why tell it to my ex boyfriend? (doesn’t the word ex denote anything at all?)

So i messaged this guy(was in the midst of a meeting) and screwed him left right centre and he apologises profusely. Even mentioning that it was all a lie and that some guy Ravi was the one who made up the story. I asked him to give me this Ravi’s number and how convenient! Ravi apparently left for the US that very day. Do i look like an idiot?

So i insist he calls Kevin up and sets the story straight because I have self respect and dignity even when it comes to previous relationships. So he says that he will and apologises some more.

The next day, I ask Kevin if he had gotten a call from the dimwit. He says No. I message the dimwit and threaten him saying the whole world will know of his existence if he doesn’t call Kevin. So he calls Kevin.

But guess what? He doesn’t keep to his word of setting the issue straight and instead claims that the only reason he called Kevin is because I threatened to tarnish his reputation.

I got even more peeved than I already was and I messaged this guy and asked him what was wrong with him and all he does is offer continuous and profuse apologies.

Nevertheless, he has chosen not to settle the issue with me as he has not responded and I have thus confirmed that he must be a DIMWIT.

Apparently I’m not the only person who thinks this guy is a dimwit but that is not any of my issue. My point is very simple, if I haven’t affected you in any way or given you any kind of trouble, then what kind of satisfaction do you get by making up really obviously untrue stories about me?

So I have decided to give him his few minutes of fame. See sweetie, if you want fame, just tell me. No need to make stories up to get people to like you or want to be your friend. I will do you the favour. ๐Ÿ™‚

Dimwit #1

All the good men are attached. Or are they?

I’ve always known that there has been something quite wrong about my taste in men. I’ve dated players, psychos and even outright weirdos. But something this wrong, I’ve never quite imagined.

The last 3 guys I’ve taken an interest in, turned out to be.. attached.

I have to make some things clear. Firstly, I did not know that they were attached when they first came to talk to me, but within the first month of talking to them or so, I always find out. Usually the truth hits me when i ask very simply, “So are you dating anyone?”

Answers I have gotten range from, “Yes but it’s complicated” to “Yes I am going to get married next year.”

Disturbing huh? I never staked these guys out after that cos men who belong to other women are not my cup of tea. But i really don’t understand why I keep getting myself entangled. It must be my luck or maybe God is giving me a sign. Telling me I am destined to become the high maintenance mistress or something. Yes, the prospects seem bright as a kept woman but I certainly have a lot more dignity and self respect than to subject myself to something like that.(no really, I do.)

I think that men should henceforth walk around with a label on their shirts that say, “Sorry I’m attached” so that we girls know to stay away from them even if they try to make a move on us. And i also think it should be made illegal for anyone who already has a girlfriend to be allowed to make a legitimate move on another girl. It is not fair at all.

For most of it, I am really peeved that I keep finding myself in this spot again and again. It is not that I am looking but these kind of mongrels always find their way to me. Must be my perfume(attracts jerks or something).

But seriously, if anyone so much so as spouts that all the good men are attached, I’d bash them. No, not because I don’t need it rubbed into my face, but simply because if the attached men are hitting on single girls, they aren’t that good. *sticks tongue out*

I cannot stand.

1. People who type like the belowmentioned:

i)Do YoU KnOW HoW PaInFuL iT Is To OnE’S eyEs To ReAd SOmEtHinG ThaT iS LiKe ThiS? Do U rEally HaVe ThAt MuCH TiMe To ConSTaNtLY pReSS ShIFt Or CaPsLoCK? If YoU Do, I sUgGeSt yOu dO SomEtHiNg MoRe pRoDucTivE LiKe SeNd YouR BraIn In FoR mEdicaL ReSeaRch (heard they’re doing a research on stupidity) *don’t forget to add some decorative ~~~:~()~~~ amidst all of it.

ii)I ALSO DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY SOME PEOPLE ONLY TYPE LIKE THIS. IT MAKES YOU SOUND SO POWERFUL AND ANGRY AND WHEN YOU TYPE LIKE THIS, I FEEL LIKE SQUEAKING A “don’t eat me :(“. IS THIS BECAUSE YOUR CAPS LOCK KEY IS BROKEN AND YOU HAVE NO CHOICE?? OR IS THIS BECAUSE YOUR PRIMARY SCHOOL GRAMMAR TEST FAIL?!!!!?!?!

iii) I oso dun understand y sum ppl cant type tings out in full. lyk is it cho(so is shorter but they like cho) impossi 2 typ out full wrds? becuz if ure cho lazy u mite as well nt be online. worst is e students hu strt using these wrds in their compos and strt frking out dere chers. (but some have enough time to infuse Point Number 1.i) into this style to create an even more annoying effect).

2. My Mum’s Idea of An Air-Freshener.

My mother has bought this AirWick airfreshener thing that emits a lavender smell(yes my mother adores that pesky lavender smell) every few minutes. Well and good because the whole house is supposed to smell awesome and all. But the problem is, every 10 minutes or so, you’d hear a loud “Krrrrrrrrk” sound from that wretched thing and it is LOUD. I skip a heartbeat every singe time i hear this “Krrrrrrrk” sound and it is really not funny. The next time it makes that sound, I am going to record it and let you all hear it. It is a cross between a loud fart, a zipper and the tearing of a paper all amplified. Imagine that! And it did it again!

3.People who call me half-high at oddly hours. (Newly Added!).

ย Hello! People don’t need to sleep is it? For the last one week or so, random people have called me to talk to me at a point in time when i was already half asleep. This is really highly absurd as I probably won’t remember what you are trying to tell me or I would say something that I would regret. If you’re intoxicated, please kindly switch off your handphones. If you’re an insomniac, please kindly get sleeping pills. If you wish to pour your heart out/talk about your old relationships/tell me a secret/want me to be there for you, please keep the calls after 11 am thank you very much. Unless you’re sick/in an emergency/dying/getting beaten up(even this one, is case by case)/going to attempt suicide then my line is open to you. The only reason i answer phone calls even at oddly hours is because I’m worried it could be an emergency(or my sister needing the key. though nowadays i’m the one needing the key).ย  I cannot stand drunk-dialling/irritating phone calls that are uncalled for. If you want to know if i’m sleepless like yourself then send me a message. If i respond, then go ahead and call me. Or else, LET ME SLEEP!

Paranoia

I was looking through old interesting msn conversations i’ve had with people before and i came across so many that i hope would eventually make it to this space. Conversations that bring back good memories, that reflect stupidity of certain characters and the best ones are the ones that are simply hilarious. I’ve been criticised by many before for placing conversations that were meant to be private and emails on my blog. If someone has told me not to share or if matters in the email/conversations were completely private, then i can understand. However, if someone pisses me off or is utterly idiotic or says something that i feel the need to share, then i will. This is my personal platform for my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Hell i am more honest here than i am when you see me upfront. I realised that I have probably gathered for myself a reputation of being acid-tongued/evil/crude/bitchy/overtly frank thanks to my blog. But that is what I am. That does not mean that I cannot be diplomatic, eloquent or nice. You have all right to base your impressions of me based on what you see here but that isn’t the whole truth.

Anyway, i leave you with an interesting conversation between myself and one of my darling girlfriends. Yes, we are highly disturbed. When we were both still attached to boys who had bad reps and we were highly confuzzled. Please don’t mind how messy the conversation turned out on my blog, I am way too tired to put it all in place. It is a pretty funny conversation though, especially looking back at it now. ๐Ÿ˜›ย 

Jasmine says:

 

i find it very VERY hard to put my trust in someone who is so gosh darned smooth

 

 

Jasmine says:

 

and the thing is, they willingly tell you that they KNOW they are smooth. they know they can get a girl into bed with their words.

 

Jasmine says:

 

so then you start thinking if he’s doing the same with you and whether you are ONE OF THOSE GIRLS!!!!

 

Aarthi says:

 

yesssss!!!!

Aarthi says:

 

yes yes yes!

Aarthi says:

 

see im still waiting for k**** to go

Aarthi says:

 

Hey Aarthi. I WIN.

Aarthi says:

 

Arghhh

 

Jasmine says:

 

omg

 

Jasmine says:

 

yes!!!!

 

Jasmine says:

 

me too me tooo

 

Jasmine says:

 

wtf!!!!

 

Jasmine says:

 

and like

 

Jasmine says:

 

you cant tell them this

Aarthi says:

 

YAAA YAAA

 

cos then u will be the paranoid crap!

 

Jasmine says:

 

cos on the off chance that they REALLY ARE NOT PLAYING YOU then you could lose something really good

Aarthi says:

 

actually i did ask k**** last time la

Aarthi says:

 

but in humour

Aarthi says:

 

i checked his shirt for tracking devices

 

Jasmine says:

 

so did i

Aarthi says:

 

then asked him if this was some kinda prank

 

Jasmine says:

 

didn’t think it was funny rihgt>.

 

Aarthi says:

 

and he was like .. do u think im gonna put in so much effort if i just want to bed u?

 

Jasmine says:

 

see laaaa

 

I is Queen. No questions asked. http://clawsandjaws.diaryland.com says:

 

yaaaaa

Aarthi says:

 

then u wonder if THAT is a line too right????

Aarthi says:

 

aiyoh

Aarthi says:

 

we are way too paranoid for sellouts dei

 

Jasmine says:

 

i know la

 

Jasmine says:

 

tsk

 

Jasmine says:

 

it’s terrible

 

Jasmine says:

 

we’re like jaded souls

Aarthi says:

 

hahahahaha

Aarthi says:

 

ya deiiii

 

Jasmine says:

 

i can imagine us living in a little house next time and ordering in groceries cos we are scared to go out into the world

 

Aarthi says:

 

we are both gonna end up stuck on the shelves next to each other…

Aarthi says:

 

no one for us

Aarthi says:

 

cos we are just too darn afraid.

Aarthi says:

 

deiii

Aarthi says:

 

seriously

Aarthi says:

 

all we need

Aarthi says:

 

is a

Aarthi says:

 

LIE DETECTOR

 

Jasmine says:

 

dey!!!

 

Jasmine says:

 

ya boy!!!

 

Jasmine says:

 

we need a lie detector

 

Jasmine says:

 

but ah

 

Jasmine says:

 

these two ah

 

 

How do you know when it’s perfect?

I’m in a highly contemplative mood the past few days and I’ve found myself questioning the following issues many a time. I guess these issues are in my mind for a few reasons. People around me are all getting married, my sister to a good friend to like half the world. Then there’s this ex of mine, who completely threw me away, and how I have recently come to realise that the issue is much deeper than what I saw in my angst and hurt. Then there is the somewhat sticky situation of psychotic people and men whom I should probably stay away from. Basically, I’m confused,worried and highly puzzled.

How do you know you’ve met the perfect person? I was talking to a good friend who has been in a very long term relationship and it has been highly stable, loving and committed. I don’t envy her because I know she put in a lot of effort as did her lover but more importantly, I admire her for being so determined. I asked her how she knew he was the right one. And she tells me that you simply will know when it happens. I sure as hell wish I can say that and be really hopeful, but I’ve realised that I’m not very good at this and i thought it was perfect on probably 4 different occasions and yet none of them worked out. Maybe the problem with me is that I get excited so quickly, i fall in love so quickly and then i move so quickly and then i get dumped or i fall out love very quickly to. But I don’t think I’d ever slow it down. Cos i’m a hopeless romantic.

Do we always end up marrying the perfect ones? I understand that the issue isn’t about meeting the perfect person but meeting the one that fits you perfectly. But do we always end up marrying the ones we are crazily in love with, the ones who are mad about you, who fit your lifestyle perfectly and most importantly you are willing to wake up looking at every single damn day? I guess that is the ideal world and for some of us, such fairytales do exist. But can we all end up marrying the ones we love the most or who love us the most? What if the one i love is married? What is the one i love is dying? What if the one i love or is perfect for me simply cannot be with me because of circumstances? What do we do? Settle for 2nd best? Not marry at all? Wait and tell yourself that they were simply not the ones but secretly harbor this unsettling feeling in your heart for the rest of your life cos you know you were trying to make yourself feel better?

How do we know it’s time to settle down? I’ve also never understood what it is that makes people want to make this choice of marriage? A case of getting older? A case of financial commitment? A case of wanting to prove to the world that the two of you alone can live and settle your lives with each other? I’m not deluded about marriage and I do actually hope to get married someday. But what if i don’t? Maybe cos the perfect person for me cannot be with me? Or cos my reputation supersedes me and after reading my blog every potential groom decides I’m too crude/bitchy/hasty/angsty to become his wife? ๐Ÿ˜‰ That’d be funny eh? But I’m sure that some of us are absolutely not the marrying kind right? Or were we all supposed to get married and live like that? I mean God made each of us different so some of us do lead different paths in terms of marriage and love right? So what if I am one of those unlucky creatures that becomes a spinster having to rear 40 cats and live by my lonely self and die in such a way that no one even knows or cares in my little tiny one-room flat in Boon Keng? (overactive imagination, but you never know!)

So is there anyone out there for me? I am still young and I know there’s so much more to life than this. But horror of horrors what if… what if I let the perfect one walk right out my life and into someone else’s and end up becoming the non marrying kind?

Gasp.

Fun fact: There was not a single j in this entry as the alphabet on my beloved laptop keyboard is spoilt. Thus the alphabet was avoided until now when I made someone type the alphabet and copy-pasted it. Anyone knows how to fix this??