2007 in Retrospect

No year is set to end without a complete round up of all the whirlwind ups and downs of that year right? Thought I had to bid sweet 2007 farewell and I figured I shall start with a little review of the good,the bad and the ugly of this year.

2007 funnily wasn’t such a bad year after all. At the start of it all, I expect 2007 to be crappy, a lot like 2005 and 2006 – both bitter years with many losses and lots of bad memories. Fortunately, it turned out to be a fairly beautiful year. It was great winning Dhool – and as much as much controversy still surrounds it (just yesterday one Acider told me to give him his 5000 dollars), it was an experience worthy of it. Please don’t start bombarding me with hate comments cos its just a dance competition y’all and if it makes any of you happy – its the last you’d be seeing me dancing on television.

2007 March also ended a fairly torturous relationship in my life – and its good to note that I’ve been single since then. The people I’ve dated and seen this year, are the nicest bunch – who have treated me well and with respect. It might have been a slow and low start, but at the end of it all, I’m standing tall and positive about Love and how she’s going to treat me. I have learn that Love can make people do crazy things and I am immensely touched by all those who have loved me with such abundance. Kudos to one very patient guy who still waits with bated breath for me while I search out my life and try to find myself. Your wait shall be rewarded and thank you for all your tolerance.

One of the happiest occasions of 07 has to be my 1st sister’s marriage. It was sad to have to see the one person you confide in completely move to another house, but to see her so happy and married just makes it all worth it. I am very glad to have Ramesh in our family now and next I just can’t wait for my 2nd sister to get married!

07 has really put my family in a much happier position. We still miss my Father dearly but we’ve come to use this as a platform for us to show each other the kind of love he showed us. I’m proud to say that apart from minor brawls, we’ve been a fight-free family. Its come to a point where I feel a little icky the moment my Mum doesn’t want to talk to me when I come home late. I love my family and if at all, this year has taught me that no one comes close to the love you get from your family.

In terms of friendships, I’ve found so many precious people through Sangae Muzhangu, Dhool and just many other gatherings. Sangae was a fantastic experience and I am so glad I got to be a part of it. Watching the DVD really just put me on an emotional high. I’m also so glad for 07 because I’ve gotten a chance to know some beautiful people and gotten closer to a bunch of people I knew from before. This is to Marian, Aishah, Raghu and a whole bunch of people. I have also gained another family and a set of brothers whom have shown me amazing and astounding amounts of love and concern.

07 is also a real high because it marked me going back to Bharathanatyam. I’m working hard to gain my guru’s confidence (thanks to my constant AWOLs) and I am slowly dusting off the rust and trying to gain my stamina back again. Importantly, I have newfound passion for my subject major, Sociology and I am loving every aspect of what I study.

The lows? Aplenty – but there’s really little point in  talking about it. Its been a beautiful year and I feel the passion slowly slipping back into my life. Next year i turn 21 and that’s going to be one blast of year. I’m going to keep my head up and experience it all – ups and downs. Life is good and it will continue to be if I keep telling myself it is.

Thank you dear readers, for all your encouragement, your thoughtfulness and mostly providing me that listening ear and avenue for thought. If not for you, I would have no desire to write and share my little burdens and my joys. Thank you all and I wish you guys a wonderful 2008 – feel free to leave me comments of your own 2007 reviews or anything I might left out in my own review.

The Other Perspective

I really appreciate all my readers for their kindest comments in the last post. I was expecting at least a few negative remarks as to how I’m such evil person for burning my ex on a stake but thank you for understanding the hell I went through. I got no negative comments and I feel blessed that ever since I moved to wordpress, my readers too have become the ideal readers who read, understand and are above sheer condemnation. Thank you all for your support. It just reinstates the fact that I made the right decision to move on, and to share my experience. I have said it before and I say it again, whatever I write, I write because I know someone somewhere might be sharing my pain, and I just want to ease it a little for them to know that they can get out of it too.

Now to today’s entry.

This entry is rather heartfelt and I would appreciate if no one starts with nasty comments because what I write is downright sincere and certainly painful. Its easy to pass a comment condemning me for sympathising with the other woman after all this but read carefully and try to understand what I am putting across.

 Its always easy to empathize with the ones who at first glance seem like the only victims. What I mean by these victims would be for example being able to pity the one who got burgled rather than the burglar. But sometimes, a one size fits all type of thing won’t exactly work. What if the burglar was someone who was really poor? Yes he did commit a crime – but don’t you feel at least an ounce of sympathy for him now.

 Anyway that’s not my point really. Today I just felt like sharing what I deem to be the other perspective. Is this a past experience? Someone else’s experience? A figment of my imagination? You will never really know and you should really not bother trying to figure it out. And please people don’t worry, I haven’t become that jaded to actually resort to becoming the other woman, I am still happily single and not giving up on normal relationships as of yet. 

 The Other Woman. We always assume the other woman to be one blessed with the greatest luxuries, kept really happy and with few worries. Little do we know that her place isn’t one to truly be envied. We often pity the woman getting cheated on, and fair enough she really is the victim. But what of the other woman? That A grade bitch, that woman who put black magic on him, that woman who has bad upbringing, the relationship spoiler. Has anyone spared a thought of what it might be to be her?

 Sure enough she isn’t a saint to have firstly allowed herself to be in the position. What if she didn’t know till it was too late for her to step back and detach herself? What if she really was in love with this person?  What if no matter how much she detached herself, he was relentless? Fair enough she can still stand her ground and stay away, but what if she’s just not that strong?

 Is it really fun being the other woman? Sure she might get lavish treats, but she will never be the first. She will never get to meet your family nor your friends. She might sit in your car, but she’s never going to be the one washing it with you. She can never introduce you to any of her relatives without having to tweak the truth. Her friends will never support her. She is always going to have to be invisible.

When the girlfriend goes mad or has an emotional turmoil, she is going to sit at the corner and regret having dressed up for dinner cos she was going home on her own. She might really love you madly, even more than the girlfriend, but what does it matter since she never met you first and you, you will never be able to end it with the girlfriend cos you know it involves too many people.

She’s not going to be there on Deepavali. Your mother will never know of her or want to buy her pretty sarees. She might come out all readily dressed, looking like a million dollars and sit in your car but as you speak on the phone outside, knowing that you were fighting with the girlfriend because she knew you were out with someone else she’d feel as cheap as skank.

You can never save her number with her real name, resorting to pseudonyms. She will listen to you tell your girlfriend you’re out with your friends while she sits there feeling as invisible as she can. The friends of yours who know hate her even if she might be an A class chic they don’t really care. Her friends would campaign every other eligible man. Little do they know that it might be possible for one to have feelings even in an illicit relationship.

Yet she still waits, hoping that one day her value will increase, that her chance will come. But she knows deep down that day will never come and as the days pass, she knows even your undying love will not be enough to substitute that. Being the other woman is not as much fun and indeed some might say she dug her own grave, but to those who understand well enough, they’d understand that she too has a heart and is capable of hurting too.

Once again  folks, don’t get me wrong. I am not encouraging adultery or asking people to cheat or get in the way of someone else’s relationship. I am just putting forth another perspective some of us(thankfully) will never really get to see.

Hey Psycho Macho – This one’s for you!

I know I try to avoid angsty posts but sometimes its just good to let it out and today I finally got exactly what I needed to totally throw you away. Wait, correction. I threw you away a long time ago but this is exactly what I needed to prove that you deserved to be thrown away. To protect your arse, lets just give you initials KF.

Firstly, you were the most nightmarish relationship any girl could possibly endure. Yea so what if you claimed you’re some big charmer? Its apparent you used those lines on every other girl. I still remember the times I would even shudder to SMS someone who was remotely male even though it was always platonic, you being the jerk you were always had questions for me. I remember the time you told me you’d break my face. I should have broken yours there and then. I remember how you used to diss my family, often going on for ages comparing them to your family. Fortunately I was brought up better so I shall not stoop to your level.

I love the way you go around telling people this new chic is the first to be brought home. Come on sweetheart, don’t you remember how you kept me around for ages by using that as a bloody mantra telling me your family trusts and loves me. I love the way you call me a fling to people you don’t know but when it comes to people who know me, you always make it a point to act like some bloody Devdas as though you gave your entire life up for me. Bullshit.

I remember how you made me feel so ugly, so cheap and so unworthy of you. I remember how the night before Dhool you told me your friend thought I wasn’t that great a dancer. I remember the times you’ve tried to convince me not to get involved in school activities because you wanted me to be with you. I still remember how time and time again you made me feel like you were doing me a favour being with me.

It feels so good now to see people tell me you’re such a jerk. It feels even better to hear that you met your current gf in January -when horror of horrors, we dated till March. Feels great to hear you spent your birthday with her, when I the girlfriend spent the entire evening assuming you were at DXO drinking.

Remember how guilty you made me feel the first time I ended things when you threatened to break my face? I wish I never came back. I remember how you made me face your entire family and now I wonder why I even bothered. Remember the ways you used to make me promise you I wouldn’t go for my friends’ farewell and the kind of attitude you used to give me when I decided to go meet them? I am so glad I don’t have to face it now.

Remember how you’ve always told me I am not that pretty, my makeup is not that great, my hair is terrible, oh my nails, goodness – I am so glad I am now around people who love me the way I am.

Its hilarious to see that you can now tell people so straight up that you cheated on me in those months. Thank you KF, it feels great to know for sure that you truly were a jerk. I love how your reason when you dumped me was that I gave you too much space – well sure seems like it was good enough space for you to be cheating on me aye.

Oh by the way does your current girlfriend know that you were messaging sometime in April telling me you missed me and that I was the only girl you ever brought home, about my legs(yes you perv), and what not? Sigh. Come on KF, I always thought you were up for an open relationship.

Its been 9 months since you’ve been out of my life and boy am I so glad. Ladies, this is a lesson to all of you – if my story sounds familiar – get him out of your life right now!

Dance With My Father again..

Title: Luther Vandross – Dance With My Father lyrics

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Ooh, ooh

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love to dance with my father
again

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear her, mama cryin’ for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I’m prayin’ for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don’t do it usually
But Lord, she’s dyin’ to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

**Thanks to Sharu for introducing me to this song.Brought back a flurry of memories and tears continue to well.

Music From Heaven

I am not an easy person to please when it boils down to spirituality and things relating to it. But today I am so immensely pleased and happy after listening to this blissful music. Your heart would feel so at ease regardless of whether you understand or can relate to the words. If you can, all the more better.

Kudos to the 7 Singaporeans behind Taalmenz and I wish I hadn’t had to miss their show at the Esplanade. If you guys want to purchase CDs – do tag and spread the love folks. These guys are talented.

http://www.myspace.com/taalmenz

What does green look like?

No doubt Indians are the most creative when it comes to creating advertisements. I hope you feel just as inspired and forced to get off your feet and make a difference when you see the following advertisement. The 3 minutes you spend watching it are definitely worth it.

We take this for granted day after day and I will let the clip speak for itself especially the last part.