I’ve never had much luck with friendships. I am sure many of you are rolling your eyes as you read thanks to my umpteen friends on Friendster and Facebook. What I mean is that I am bad with cliques. I am horrendous at maintaining friends in a large complex web.
I mean, cliques are crazy. Lets say you fall out with one person, that inevitably means a good half of your clique isn’t going to talk to you and the other the other person. Worst still, cliques that involve a few romantic relationships as well. Those are even more complicated and the minute a pair breaks up, there is so much of mudslinging or side-taking. No offence to all those of you have a huge circle and love them. I respect the fact that you guys are able to manage some dainty and fragile relationships and juggle them. I have always never been able to have such luck and for some reason I have come to wean my life off all these crazy big circles.
I figure having individual friends works a lot better for me. Somehow, its always easier to let a friendship/bond/relationship stand on its own feet when its just about you and that particular person. That way, both of you and not external parties control how the relationship moves, what is private and what is to be shared. Intimate moments are truly intimate and non-intimate moments remain within your private sphere. When relationships sour (don’t mean to be a pessimist but they always do), at least both parties can pack their bags and walk off.
Of course, you’re even luckier if you have a big clique and yet manage to have personal relationships with each individual member in that group. That way its a little safer since your friendships can exist on two separate realms.
All that aside, I think any friendship can last if both parties remain non-judgemental. In the last 2 years I have drained my life off all toxic friends. From big cliques, to people who just befriend me to party or to get the scoop on my life so that they can diss me later – everyone has been shut out completely. I don’t bother attending big functions, I don’t bother with group outings and most of all I rather just talk to one person or meet one person at a time. The exception for this would be my dance class friends – but that’s also because we share a bond that surpasses our friendships – our passion for dance. This way, no matter how fed up we are with each other ,we still stick it out because we need to work together. Glad at least this one circle (which is by the way a mini-circle of 5-6 people) still exists. (please don’t cast your evil eyes all you haters).
Anyhow, back to my initial point – good, sturdy friendships work on the premise of non-judgements. You know you have a true friend if you can come to him/her anytime and say what you feel at that exact point in time and not be judged for it 2 years later. You also know a true friend will tell you, they may hate your actions but they still love you. Friends are allowed to be completely biased – that’s why they are your friends.
So for those of you who wonder why I have become a hermit and have stayed away from general public and a lot of cliques I used to be chummy with – its no fault of the cliques or the people – its just that I don’t roll that way. I like my life the way it is – private.
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