The Rainbow Rose Man

Before I begin I would like to confirm that I am a girl. And no this post does not speak for any other girls and men please do not stop buying them flowers because of what you read here.

I think I am starting to have an aversion towards flowers. Okay maybe not flowers but bouquets. Over the span of the last 2 years, I have received quite a number (thanks to all the romantics in my life) and I have developed an aversion towards them.

Today, someone I met rather recently though I have known of for a few years scared surprised me with a bouquet. A very sweet gesture no? Not really when I have never actually gone out with this person and even today I was not supposed to meet this someone. This person calls me asking me what I have on today and I say I have dance class. I usually don’t think twice when someone asks me where my class is because its quite a normal question and tell him where it is nearby. He works nearby so he said he needs to pass me some forms for a dance competition and wanted me to ask a few friends to participate. Sounded pretty normal and I agreed hestitantly though I had no friends who would actually participate in one but it seemed like a polite thing to at least try.

So fine, I reach dance class 30 minutes late and I really thought he had forgotten he was supposed to meet me and there he is waiting at the MRT Station and suddenly he whips out a bouquet. With roses in 7 different colours. Yes a rainbow bouquet of roses. Now most girls would be ooh-ing and aah-ing here. But first it is very freaky unsettling to take so much for a person you barely know. Secondly, I do not particularly like roses though I have to say I’ve never seen a bouquet quite as beautiful ( I always thought rainbow bouquets would look weird). Thirdly, I am just not someone who enjoys carrying a bouquet around.

Now lets get to the last point. To me, the entire idea of walking around with flowers seems very ridiculous. Especially when I do not have any way of explaining the flowers. Its not my birthday, I didn’t get proposed to and I am not Britney Spears (though that’d be interesting).

So guess what I do? I turn cold,clammy and tinker on the edge of hyperventilating. I apologise and tell him I really cannot accept the bouquet and try to disappear as fast as I can. I was freaked out. It was quite a hilarious sight seeing one person with a bouquet trying to calm a near hyperventilating person who is freaked out by the idea.

Everytime I see a bouquet now, I just freak out. I don’t know why but it just freaks me out because I just don’t know what to do with flowers anymore. I hate carrying them around and after they dry out I don’t know what to do. Yes I admit at one point in time, I gushed and swooned over flowers but right now they just leave me feeling cold,clammy and unable to breathe. I realised that guys don’t think about the aftermath of sending a girl flowers. Like one INTELLIGENT person who sent it to a school I work at teaching dance part time and left me freaking out for a bit. The thoughts behind the gestures are really so sweet but they just point at the male inability to think of consequences such as How do I explain this since I am a newbie teacher? What do I do with it at dance class? Who is going to ask me who these are from? SHIT He’s not even my boyfriend, what do I say???

So guys, a reminder, if you’re not sure if your chic digs the big bouquets, just give her a stalk of her favorite flower or something. Its a lot easier to keep in obscurity and when she runs out of things to do with it, she can make it into a bookmark or use the stem to prod and clean little crevices in her room. And if you REALLLLLLY feel like you need to impress, buy her a REAL gift, one that involves thought and more than just a good florist. A book, a margarita, a beer, a flashy car or better yet a house with a nice big garden where she can grow her OWN flowers.

 

And I mean it, the gestures and thoughts behind the action are beautiful but make sure when you do give a girl flowers she is in a position to accept them and knows exactly what she can do with them and is proud to lug them all over. And if you’re wooing me, an ice cold Heineken will be good thank you. =)

I need you.

Every year Varusha Pirappu (usually on the 14th, but this year the 13th) is celebrated with much joy. It stopped bringing me that happiness a few years back and ever since my life has changed completely when my Dad passed away on the 14th. I know you are looking down at all of us, taking care of everyone and making sure that everything goes wonderfully, but I just wish you were here sometimes. To know that there was one man in my life I always could fall back on.

You are our hero and I really just feel so alone right now. I wish you’d come back. Come back to scold me, to joke about everything, to fight with us, to annoy us with your requests for coffee, to be there when we need to know we are beautiful and that we are loved.

I feel so lonely today. There are a million people out there and I know amidst them are many who love them. But right now, I just feel like I have no one. No one but you to erase this phase I am going through with my life. The moments I just question what the hell I am doing with my life and why I chose this path, when I feel like its impossible to live up to any expectations and mostly when no one understands that I too am capable of hurting. Only you would understand that and right now I need you so much to tell me I am strong and I will pull through this.