(This post has been written in bits and pieces over the last 2 months so much of it is old news or a little scattered in terms of thoughts. Also, not all points provided below are directly from my personal experience and may just be things that I’ve heard others go through or came to mind at the point in writing)
As I’ve probably mentioned for the 1000th time in my blog, I have met some wonderful men before. Men who have made me understand myself better and helped me respect myself and not expect anything less from anyone. Likewise, I’ve met men, who have stepped on me, disrespected me and treated me like I didn’t matter. I’ve also met men whom I cannot help but mock because of their cheesy lines, greater than God delusions and nasty lies I can see through like clear glass. The worst is I’ve met men who have made me laugh, made me realise why I am glad to be a woman, how stupid their entire species can be and how much less evolved they really are (by this moment I am certain 200 men are waiting to poke forks through my eyes).
However, I hope that I could pay my dues to society by offering you men an insight of what we deem as inappropriate and what we would much rather you not do. The list is truly exhaustive and as most men would complain by the end of the list, we women are too fickle, too picky and have too many expectations. However, if men can write and lament about their perfect woman for hours and hours, I am sure we should be allowed to tell you what exactly we DON’T want in our partners – if you have an issue, please open a blog of your own and come up with lists of qualities you dislike in women. I’ve decided to pick the TEN most important things you should avoid doing – there are many many things actually but I guess we should take baby steps and start with 10.
I must say, I speak for myself and maybe a handful of women who agree with me.
#10: Do not try to dish out advice that we do not ask for.
Unless we ask you if our highlights are nice or if our dress looks slutty, I don’t think you need to be telling us. We fork out hundreds of dollars to ensure we look nice and presentable and it is not very nice to feel all your efforts go down the drain because you decide to open your mouth. We have enough girlfriends to whom we would turn to for advice and God also made some men gay to ensure we got the right perspectives on things. You wouldn’t appreciate us telling you how to parallel park or whether putting your money on Manchester United was a bad idea would you?
#9: Don’t undermine us.
If I had a penny for every guy who gave me this crap, half-past-six of an explanation, “You’re a girl” for anything that goes wrong, I’d be a millionaire by now. Our gender divides are minimal and most of them are socially constructed – biologically there isn’t even 10% of differences between a woman and a man. Don’t ever undermine a girl because she is just that. If a woman can bear a child for 9 months and have that child come out of her and watch the entire process, she’s definitely much stronger than you give her credit for. Ever wondered why God made the woman bear the child? Perhaps its because he deemed she was much stronger than the man? Just because you can do a few more pull-ups than her, you can run a little faster than her, does not mean your survival instincts are any stronger than hers. This is a world that’s slanted towards the male and yet women are thriving – would it be the same if the tables were turned? Respect her and admire her strength and help her reach what she strives to reach – don’t dampen her spirits before she has even started.
#8: Don’t lie to us to make yourself feel better
Remember Her World and Cleo and how they make it sound like men are the cool dudes who are completely secure with themselves whilst we women are the ones who are constantly putting people down so that we feel better about ourselves? They were so wrong. I’ve met men who lie to me about the way their family sees me so that I will work harder at impressing them, men who’ve lied about beautiful ex girlfriends so that I’d feel like I’m not worthy and men who’d tell me things they claim their friends say about me just so that I’d feel like I’m not good enough for this guy, yet he’d stay with me (awww such a sweet guy). If you need an ego boost, please date a pre-schooler so you can constantly feel better about yourself. Beating someone down to make yourself feel better, is stupid, caveman behaviour and just plain ineffective.
#7: Don’t check out our girlfriends
I understand that men are naturally swingers and get easily distracted by pretty little things that walk around. But please spare our girlfriends. A good girlfriend is hard to come by and its even harder when you’d choose to check out or try to flirt with our girlfriends. If you do think they’re hot, good for you – but please try to wipe that dribble of saliva before we actually catch you in action. There are a thousand and one pretty girls walking around, please don’t choose our close friends. It not only makes it incredibly difficult for us to feel good about ourselves, its also extremely awkward to be the girlfriend who gets checked out by her friend’s boyfriend.
#6: Don’t diss our girlfriends
If you thought #7 was important, #6 is three times as important. If you think our girlfriends are skanky whores, it wouldn’t take you long to think we are the same. If you feel that our friends are sluts, it wouldn’t take you long to think we are sluts too. Our girlfriends are the ones we confide in about you, about the immense times we get our hearts broken and the ones we consulted before dating you, even. As such, dissing our girlfriends is equivalent to dissing us. Just like how you do not like it when we diss your buddies or pass scathing remarks about them, we do not appreciate your insensitive remarks.
#5: Don’t get overly sensitive
Yes, I understand that its the age of the SNAG but am I the only one who gets a little put off by men who cry, men who pour out their feelings, men who get emotionally hurt? No, I don’t want a caveman or a chauvinist but I still believe that its a little unsettling to see a man burst into tears when he feels hurt. Likewise, I am also irked by women who get overly emotional in relationships so it isn’t really a gender thing. I think that there should always be a level of calm that is maintained and if you choose to wear your emotions on your sleeve, then you bear the consequences. Seeing an overly sensitive man always puts me off because as it is,a relationship can be rather tiring what more with someone who is completely emotionally insecure.
#4. Don’t spend more time than us in front of the mirror
Yes everyone likes a presentable and hygienic guy. But my advice would be that you could stop at deodorant and hair wax. We don’t really want to see you carrying M.A.C around or having to re-do your hair every few hours. Leave the preening to us. I know we are hypocritical since we can spend hours and hours apply and re-applying our makeup but it just irks us to see you doing the same. I’ve been out with guys who check their appearances on reflective surfaces more often than me and it just disturbs me. Our last obsessions with pretty boys ended when we were 5 and played with Barbie and Ken.
#3: Don’t try to replace our ex boyfriends or anyone from our past
If we wanted to date our ex boyfriends, we would still be with them. We do not expect you try to fill up the shoes of someone who has left our life, we are with you because of who you are. Don’t get frustrated with yourselves if you cannot be the person who once used to be where you were – we leave relationships because we learn what we do and do not need through them and as such we are not looking for carbon copies. Do not then take it out on us when you feel like you cannot match up (or down) to people who were previously in our lives. Why put unnecessary pressure on yourselves and later blame us for it?
#2: Don’t spin stories about us
We understand that boys get hurt sometimes. We also understand that stereotypes from ages ago have reiterated that boys shouldn’t cry. That doesn’t mean you go spin stories and bitch about girls because they have advertently or inadvertently hurt you. If you decide to broadcast a fact that has been true, I guess you’re entitled to do so. But to make up lies, such as that a girl gave you a **** in a taxi or that a girl has 40 over boyfriends (both completely fictitious examples my dear readers), makes one sound like an immature asshole and isn’t going to gain you brownie points from any girls unless the ones you’re interested in are as shallow as Barbie dolls. People who think girls are the bitchier sex obviously haven’t met enough of the wrong type of men. Some men have amazingly vicious tongues and go on and on. I hope at some point they reflect and realise they too have mothers,sisters and daughters. What would YOU do if the same things were spewed about your family members?
#1: Treat us with RESPECT
No one’s asking you to open doors or pull out chairs. I always scold girls who insist on complete chivalry from their men because I think that at this day and age, chivalry is just a convenient delusion for us. We keep assuming there’s this perfect man who’d do all these things to make us swoon and keep striving till we get to him. REALITY CHECK – there isn’t and if there is, he’s probably gay, dead, taken or just trying to impress you for a quick lay. All we need is some respect. Listen to her when she speaks, respect her opinions and share with her what you think. Don’t expect her to be just a fixture in your life. If you want her to treat you with respect, then you got to take a step by treating her with respect as well. Make her know what she means to you and don’t allow her to be mistreated. Constantly try to understand her perspective and where she’s coming from and you’d come to realise that she’d be a lot more forgiving too.