Lessons on Singlehood.

20th May marked 2 months of me having become single. I know it isn’t much to celebrate(because essentially that’s 2 months since i got dumped) and also because 2 months isn’t a very long time since I know people who claim they’ve been single for God knows how many years. But it’s a pretty big thing for me because firstly, I’ve never actually been able to date the lapse of me being single as my relationships don’t end in such a clear-cut fashion and also because I’ve been known to leap into relationships. Yes, I’ve often been criticised for moving in and out of relationships extremely quickly. This isn’t because my love is fake or shallow, but only because I’m always so willing to give it another shot and in many cases, these many shots come right after I end one relationship.

But this time, I’ve been deeply scarred. I was highly convinced that I had found the perfect mix in a person and that everything would fit in perfectly. Unfortunately, things don’t always go as planned. Anyhow, me being the optimist(and the feminist that I am), I have made good of my singlehood and have learnt to use this time to figure myself out and figure the people around me out too.

The lessons I’ve learnt having become single.

1.If a man is cute,sweet,gentlemanly and pretty much perfect, he’s probably attached.

Refer to one of my previous posts and you’d have figured this out. In my past 2 months of being single, I’ve heard of and personally experienced enough of these attached boy-monsters to be able to sniff them out. If you need help, come find me and I will teach you the ways.

2. Being alone is really okay.

I used to be under the impression that you should never be seen somewhere all by yourself. Not because its unsafe but simply because it’s unglam. But of late, I’ve realised that it’s really okay to be seen alone. In fact I’ve even calmly sat down at a club all by myself(ok so i was waiting for someone, but I would never on a normal day sit by myself in a club) and sip my drink. In fact you are at your most aware and most beautiful when you’re all by yourself and it merely proves that you’re that secure about yourself that you don’t need company to validate you(that,or you’re a loner like yours truly).

3. Karma always finds its way

At the end of the day, no matter how much you have been hurt by someone, they’d get it back three-fold. Trust me on that because right now I’m the one looking back and laughing now thinking of all those things certain people put me through. So don’t bother wallowing in past, punishing potential sweeties and living in the past because it’s not worth any time or worth any effort.

4.Relationships may be a sham. Friends are the real deal.

I’ve never been one to undermine the importance of friendships but I have to admit that I have let relationships get in the way of my friendships as well as take priority in some aspects such as time spent. However when your heart is broken and you get it pretty much slammed back down your throat, it is your friends who have your back. I’ve never been happier to know that I have a good set of friends then my last dumping because the minute my girlfriends knew, they made sure they did everything to be there for me. At the end of the day, relationships require constant nurturing, a lot of giving and many sacrifices. If you aren’t ready to commit to that kind of a thing, then work on being a great friend. Over the last two months, I’ve had so much fun doing my hair with Bavani, burning the dance floor with Marian, having drinks with the girls, relishing in Ladies’ Nights with my sisters and being able to open my heart and say whatever i want to say without worries of pesky fights or having negative impressions made of myself. Many more outings to come with the rest of my wonderful girlfriends and that is the one perk of being single! Your time is all yours!

5. Two’s Company. Three is NONE!

The one biggest issue I have with being single is that almost all my girlfriends have boyfriends or love interests currently. I’ve become so accustomed to having a boyfriend and being able to ease into such situations that now it feels odd sitting alone with these lovebirds. They do their best to keep me comfortable and they never make me feel like I’m a lamp post but sometimes you really can’t help but wish you had someone too. In such awkward moments, I choose to ignore or busily type away on my handphone when they get a tad romantic. Otherwise, I try to avoid long moments spent, and allow them to revel in each others’ company while I go do something more productive. Or as I’ve learnt, I will bring another single friend along!

Being single isn’t as bad as I expected it to be. It feels good to know that you do not need someone to validate your existence and that you can survive alone. But no matter what, it’s always nice to know that at the end of the day, there’s that one person who will be yours solely. That’s the one thing singlehood cannot provide you with but at the moment I think the perks pretty much outweigh that!

12 Comments

  1. based on this post, just wanna ask you something out of curiosity…
    do you think a woman can successfully carry herself through life being single all the way? Right till she’s on her deathbed?

    just curious to know ur opinion on this.

    much loves,
    me.
    😀

  2. i agrEe with you.
    🙂
    being attached isnt necessarily gOod.
    plus being single isnt all tt bad either
    🙂
    atleast we still got out pals with us.
    which is wayy priceless
    🙂

  3. our*

    ps: too many smiliez i guess.

  4. …..errr dude….does that mean if a mans single…he’s probably *not* cute,sweet,gentlemanly and *not* pretty much perfect…… awww!! 😦

  5. vaanz: i don’t think it’s an issue of whether you’re male or female and i really doubt that has much to do with your sucess as a single person. but if you really want to know, i guess if you’re a strong person(regardless of male or female), and secure enough about yourself then why not? personally, i won’t be able to make it far as my insecurities would start playing up somewhere down the road. but i’m sure there are people out there who can. or else, it would be really sad that having a partner is inevitable in a successful life.(gives me little hope you know since i’m contemplating becoming a spinster with 22 kids)

    kiira: haha it’s ok i do the smilies quite often too. go crazy!

    seelan: i’ll make an exception for you! 🙂

  6. actually, beinG single yr entire life doesnt necessarily mean u have not led a successful one.
    if you are secure abOut yourself n do not see the importance of having that special one by yr side,then its fine.be the way u want.
    we have friends to talk to.who always be there for us.
    we have our parents for that never-say die support and morale booster
    what more could we want?
    insecurities will always be part n parcel of our life.
    bt its sthg that can be eliminated.
    plus, n0t all outta there who r attached or married are considered successful people.

  7. To be in a love relationship is just a phase in our lives. Whether you get together with someone or not, life still moves on. Personally, I feel many people are engulfed in syndrome of wanting to be in a relationship because it secures them from being scrutinized. Single gals you’ve this before.. “What you’re so pretty how come you’re still single.” It can irk you so much.

    Thi s why many feel that they need a boyfriend. So that they can fit in society better. Not because they want to experience sharing their deepest feelings with someone. Many indulge in superficial relationships. Single girls in cliques feel this the most. They sub consciious find the need to seek a potential boyfriend among the guys that they are introduced to.

    My best friend has always been with someone since she was in secondary 1. However, there was this tinydry spell phase she was going through … She liked guys who turned to perverts, gay, or worse, married. I was observing how she felt so displaced among her friends. It is as if a boyfriend, to her, was like a security blanket securing herself from discomfort. She started complaining to me that she needs a boyfriend. As for me, I had been single for very long time. Never really felt the same way that my bestfriend did. It is great to have partner to pick you up when you have litle strength to face a certain problem, so funny to play-pretend argue with. Therefore, I do feel upset that I am single once in a violet moon. But, I chose to fight this feeling that I am handicapped by my single status.

    I always believe that just like friends are made along our life journey, seeking a partner is just as much alike. It comes to you when you least expected it. When one girl or guy chats up with the opposite sex they should not have a mindset that this fella or babe is their ‘potential’. When we have such a mind set we get disappointed far more than someone who decides to just go with the flow. Think about it , if you are a heterosexual and you have been introduced to a girl and you realise that she is sweet, funny, witty and genuine, you do not immediately think “hey she could most likely be my new friend!” Do you? You just enjoy the moment..

    Likewise ladies, when you get to meet guys,perhaps, you should just enjoy the fact that you’re in good company and you are having a ball of time. Dismiss that inner feelings which makes you feel that you need to sport for a potential. You might just be suprised at what that could lead to.

    Just to further comment on your post aarthi. I can relate to what you are feeling! Beilieve me hunny. This is just a phase, don’t be disheartened that you’re liking the wrong guys. Enjoy your singlehood and be Free!!! lol! I loved be single. If only my boyfiriend knew. Eeps!

  8. hmmmm…..a blog within a blog……thats a new one 😛

  9. Agreed on ALL points..Pt 5 struck a lil too close home for me..Coz it seem like the whole world and their mother decided to get attached when I became single..And its hard to explain.Its not jealousy..Just this feeling of *awwwww I ALSO want!!!* Hehehe..Oh well..Good things happen when you wait rite?? Rite?? *Looks up at God* Hehehe..

  10. yea!! lets all be single!! WOOT! WOOT! .. no? :s

  11. i owe u a meal. contact me to set a date babe. =)

  12. give you time for yourself… appreciate it… cos someday… even if you r single all your life… it nvr be the same as being the single free bird you are now…


Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s