How NOT to approach a girl on Friendster…

Apologies my dear readers for the hiatus. My wireless had been down for awhile and Deepavali preparations were mounting. Happy Belated Deepavali to all of you.
Friendster.Facebook.Hi5.We live in an age where virtual meetings are virtually impossible to escape. At some point in time, almost all of us have gotten a random message. Most of the time, these messages don’t go beyond hello or a request for an introduction. That’s fine since most of us aren’t averse to meeting new people I think. But once in awhile you meet the extremes, the odd-lings and simply put the ones that you’re glad you’re only meeting online.

I trawled through my old Friendster messages (about 94 pages worth since I hardly delete messages on Friendster) and found some that I couldn’t help but sharing with my dear readers. These messages are ALL real and I’ve pasted them in their entirety. Friendster links and email addresses have been removed but I kept the main layout of the Friendster message (not because I am evil) but to prove that these people do actually exist.

So these gentlemen, are the ways you do NOT approach a girl on Friendster unless you want her to send you a slap (they should add that on Friendster since they already have “Send a Smile”). I urge you guys to think twice before sending one of these classics because the world IS small and one day you might actually end up meeting this girl in reality and she’s gonna remember you as the freak from Friendster (has quite a ring to it, no?)

Case #1 : No need to share everything that runs through your head.

From:
Date:
Subject:	hi
Message:	you’re sooo hot, you excite me soooo much, if you dont mind me sayin…! xxx

Case #2 : Spare us the mystery

From:	********
Date:	Thursday, 29 March, 2007 3:53 PM
Subject:	Suresh has sent you a smile
Message:	Suresh wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out Suresh’s profile and send a reply. A message from Suresh: Hi Aarthi… You are so……….

Soooooooo not interested?

Case #3: Same guy as Case #1

From:
Date:	Saturday, 31 March, 2007 5:04 AM
Subject:	hi
Message:	you have an amazing body…make me too excited

I don’t think I need to say anything about this clown anymore.

Case #4: Don’t confuse.

From:	*****
Date:	Sunday, 1 April, 2007 1:02 PM
Subject:	hello
Message:	had to say hello that is one crazy profile i dont think i ever read one like it, so i had to reply i dont ever boast about if i’m handsome or for that matter ugly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder so it really doesnt matter what i think i am and ur not antisocial unless of course there r some dead bodies lieing around ur room yes ur narcissitic but u have to be a little which is generally called confidence and u take confidence add a little sarcasim and wallah u got u the bottom line is i kept reading because it was interesting and it was different, the most important thing isnt how many friends u have but how many of those friends really love u and not superficially we can all get friends the trick is too keep them ur the only one i ever wrote this long tooso i think its because i’m rambling and can’t sleep and yes i think i would love to be ur friend, be good to urself because noone will probably ever beable to be what u want louie

Huh? Please learn how to add fullstops and not litter your messages with THAT many idioms and “wise sayings”.

Case #5: Spare us the tackiness

From:	****
Date:	Tuesday, 3 April, 2007 5:59 PM
Subject:	Desh has sent you a smile
Message:	Desh wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out Desh’s profile and send a reply. A message from Desh: position vacant : friend! how u doin? take up the offer…? landing in a city near u soon…

From:	*****
Date:	Sunday, 8 April, 2007 12:13 AM
Subject:	heyy cutyy
Message:	hey cuty or wateva hehehe…really like to talk with ya..sooo if u dntmind send me ur msn aaddress…i vll add u thx…btw dnt judge me from ma pic..lol…coz i luk sooo small over there..maybeu dnt like to talk with younger ppl than u …mmmm soo im same age as u …hehhe…sooo if u dnt mind send me ur msn address…thx sweety cuty gurl… tc i vll wait for u .. xxxxx

Why am I his sweety cuty gurl again?

#Case 6: Lets take it one step at a time

From:	*******
Date:	Friday, 19 October, 2007 10:51 AM
Subject:	sd
Message:	hi how ru vanakm cnau talk tamil giveme ur emailid u so nice ilikeu cnaube mygf

Can you first learn to type?

From:	****
Date:	Thursday, 24 May, 2007 6:34 PM
Subject:	hiiiiiiiiii
Message:	joel wrote: >hai vanakkam _/\_ h r u? >can i make relation with u if don’t mine!!! >can i know abt yr family ” ” ” “? >u very cute maaaaaaaa… >k bye…

“Relations with me” right after one message? Of course i minE!

From:	*****
Date:	Thursday, 21 June, 2007 3:57 PM
Subject:	my dream girl…
Message:	my beautiful Angel…Wow….I never seen beautiful girl like u. Hey… You are so beautiful like an Angel and Your beautiful face, rosy lips, sexy eyes unforgettable. Your boobs r really superb. I wanna kiss ur Heart. U r really lucky. I never forget ur cute face. So i’ll call you Angel. I need ur friendship. Will u accept me as ur friend. Plz tell me. I wait for ur reply.Plzzzzzzzzzz……………..Your’s….. Ashu (*********@*******.com)

My boobs are really superb and you want to kiss my heart? Good lord.

Case #7: Go to AdultFriendFinder if you need other companionship, spare Friendster

From:	*******
Date:	Wednesday, 22 August, 2007 3:12 PM
Subject:	hi
Message:	you’re sooo sweet looking,care for some open minded phonechat with me

From:	*******
Date:	Tuesday, 25 September, 2007 4:46 PM
Subject:	hi
Message:	wana phonesex with me.i can call u

And last but not least, I leave you with the winner. This one I had blogged about in my old blog but I decided he needed to make a comeback. I couldn’t find the entire message as I extracted it from by previous blog but here’s the champion.

From: Suresh
Date: Tuesday, 4 July, 2006 7:50 PM
Subject: hai

HAI
I AM VERY SORRY IF MY MAIL HEART YOU OR
DISTURP YOUR MIND
I LIKE TO BE VERY SINCERE TO YOU.I REALLY
ATTRACK ON YOU WHEN I SAW YOUR PIC.
VERY LOVELY FACE
WELL ATTRACKTET DRESS
NICE SOFT HAIR
LOVELY BREST
LOVELY WEIST
NICE BACK SITE
SURE VERY SWEETT VIRGINA YOU HAVE
I REALLY INTRESTET ON YOU
I AM VIJAY SUNDAR.MALAYSIAN MALE.
AGE 31, 65KG,174CM,HAIRY.BLACK SKIN
I AM MANLY
MY DICK UNCIT 7 INCH
PLEASE SEE MY ATTACHED PHOTO
ONE PHOTO FULL MY LEG
TAKEN FEW YEARS AGO
THEN SOCOND PHOTO
VERY CLOCE UP OBLY MY DICK
TAKEN RECENTLY
BOTH ARE ME
I LIKE TO MEET YOU
IF YOU INTRESTET
LOOKING FOR LOVELY HOT MEN
I WIILING TO SEX WITH YOU
WE CAN ARRANGE FOR OUR MEETING
I AM NOT FORCING YOU
ALL I LEAVE TO YOU
IF YOU REALLY LIKE ME
WANT TO HAVE GOOD SEX
PLEASE REPLY
WE CAN TALK AND THEN DEVELOP OUR
RELATIONSHIP
IF YOU NOT INTRSTET PLEASE IGNORE
ME.THANK YOUSINCERELY

S.VIJAY

Cheers y’all!

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